Friday, November 26, 2010

thanks for giving yall(:

So I told myself I would write on the bad AND good days
Unfortunately that will not be happening with this girls' blog. HA
I can't even find a positive thought, let alone word to write when I feel that lousy
I was hoping I could write yesterday on all the things I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving
BUT
I spent the day in bed.
SO on that note I am thankful for that bed I was able to sleep off the sickness in
I was,however, able to eat a yummy meal with my family and grandma!(: I haven't suffered with appetite loss, which is something I am thankful for as well because I loveee meals, especially breakfast! My Moma makes me breakfast every single morning before we drive the hour to Dallas for my treatments. These trips are turning into day long events. It gets annoying because of traffic but then I look around at everyone else who has to do it every single day, they're coming from WORK--- not a comfy hospital chair, apple juice, & peanut butter crackers.
Sometimes I try an imagine their lives, like what they're going through or what's on their mind and it breaks my heart to think some are going home to an empty house.
I am so blessed to have my Moma by my side all the time. At the hospital each patient gets their own little cubby-hole room with a chair and t.v. I get an extra chair or two in mine because I'm lucky enough to have the parents that I have who come with me and bear the hour and a half of fluids,medicine, and Interferon. My dad even surprised me with a shopping trip after my 6th treatment because he said he was proud of me. I don't know how he could be proud of a daughter who lays around sleeping 16 hours a day, orders everyone around, cranks the heat bill$$ up, and tells everyone to shut up! haha Kind of joking, but really...that's reality some days. I'm sorry.
Today was a good day for me. We all went to the movies and saw "The Next Three Days"
This movie was gooooooood. I haven't been to the movies in months, I normally love to rent movies at home because a couch, blankets, and cuddling during sound more appealing then a hard chair in a cold theatre but I would definitely pay or let someone else pay for me(; to see this again, like tomorrow. Go see it. Makes me want a tough man, Russell Crow is sexy.

Anyway, Interferon has become one of my enemies. If I cussed I would say that interferon is a witch with a B. Capitalized B, yes. I am a pretty tough girl, as most of you know. I don't put up with a lot but the fact that I HAVE to put up with this is what gets me the worst. I hate that I am allowing these sweet nurses to hook me up to this machine that enters this liquid drug into my port, knowing I am leaving the hospital feeling like dying some times. On the other hand, I am handling it and the good days are what's keeping me going. I have had some bad days and bad nights but I also have had some good days and very good nights. I know that this drug is helping me and in the end will be worth the pain and sickness I deal with from it. I am finding out a lot about myself. I am talking to myself a lot more than I ever have. I am maturing faster than most 20 year old girls..I like to think so, at least.

I have this box that I started when I got the cancerous mole removed...I put little pamphlets and a few cards in it I got when I first found out about my Melanoma. I always just kinda threw the papers aside in the box and said "oh ill just put that in my cancer box, it will become a thing of the past here soon"
Well that obviously wasn't the case and this box is now filled and the flowers, quotes, & letters are needing a new Larger home. I thank everyone of you for the overflowing of this box. The cards and kind words are always a treat. I never realized how many people I do and don't know who love and care for me(:
So instead of listing every thing I'm thankful for, because I couldn't possibly do such a thing, I just want to thank all of you for reading my words & thoughts. Thank you for constantly checking in on me when I know you have plenty of other things to worry about. Thanks for being you, being a friend, and loving me like a family member would. Thanks for giving.



I hope & pray for more days like the one captured above. My friend Taylor did an amazing job on this photo shoot. He is going places!! We had a fun time filled with laughs, falls, and ant bites!

3 comments:

  1. Love you Brit.

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  2. So I came across your blog-and I think we had some in common friends at BYU-I! Anyway, I thought I would say thanks for such a "real" post. I hate when people post to show how perfect their lives are. Hope things look up for you soon.

    XOXO-Stephanie
    www.stephanieandsuch.blogspot.com

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  3. Beautiful Brit

    You probably don't even remember me. But we are friends on facebook and I came across your blog:
    you are an inspiration.You are strong and have so many people that love and support you- you WILL beat this:)
    Keep on shining :)

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