Friday, September 17, 2010

idkkkkk man

I just realized I made my 100th post before this one!
I cannot wait until has it's ONE year! & then I get to print it off to make a Brit's- book- of- first- year- blogging (;
I looked back on all of my old posts last night. It's so crazy to my mind how much my writing, life plans, my heart, and thought process has change..just from March until September in the same year. It's crazy to be writing about "the love of my life" and our plans and posting only pictures of me with him. It's weird that I was thinking of going to fashion school. or Utah.
It's weird to think I was someone else's. And now...
I am that without the apostrophe s.

I am someone else.
I don't really know how I feel about it either -- part of the time
I know that love is beautiful. It is something else. But it does something ELSE to the human beings' mind, heart, and body. It does something great..but when it is lost, whether through death, divorce, or a break up it does something disastrous and we are supposed to know how to handle it & try and fix it. We are supposed to know the cure in order to move on with life. And to be honest there is a different 'cure' for every person.
For some, its just time.
for others, I guess it takes another person,
for some it's disappearing.
for other's its substance, or drugs.
for some it's religion. and faith. and prayer

and for some, I do believe there is nothing you can try. there are people who never ever get over love of another. or their first love. Because they don't know what to do. They haven't been taught. They've never been through it. They don't understand or comprehend a life after this life. They can't handle the loneliness. they hold onto that 'love' for years.

It's so sad to me...

We control our emotions. We control how the day is going to flow. We have been given agency. We have our own beliefs and standards. We own our heart. No one else does. even though at times, it may feel like someone else holds the key to it. We own the baseboard. and the door and The home as well.

just some thoughts. I don't get much thinking/posting thought time much any more. But this is just the thought of the night. I don't even know where I am going with this.
I know that I have been blessed though.
I know not to live off 'what could of been'
I know that lyrics are great. movies are great. books are amazing.
but people are miraculous.

Alone is a non-existence. We always have someone.
Lonely is beautiful. Listening to our own thoughts. hearing our own breath.

Not having another person, can, at some times be a blessing in disguise.
& right now Alone time has come at a perfect time


  1. i just wanted to say that i agree with you on some parts. i think some of us never get over our first love but i dont think we are supposed to know how to do that and to do it on out own. we can do nothing on our own except come to our Savior. He can heal us and change us and take away all the pain that seems to be overcoming us. I went through a huge, terrifying, have a panic attack break up awhile ago and i for the longest time thought it was my responsibility to get over it by myself. it took me several weeks to realize, i can do nothing on my own. absolutely nothing. only He can heal me. Only He knows what i need in these moments. and He did. The second i gave it all to Him, i felt so much peace and overwhelming love, each day. I am not saying that it wasnt still the hardest time of my life, i'm not saying that i never felt fear, pain, lonliness, but what He did for me was give me the strength to take on those things. i think you have a good point that a lot of people turn to different things when they are in pain: time, themselves, drugs, etc. but i think the truth is that the only one that can truly heal us is Christ and His atonement. the only reason we have trials in the first place is because He wants us to find Him and for us to let Him change us.

    sorry, i went off on a tangent but i felt like i should. i know you dont even really know me, but oh well. hope it made sense.

  2. its dosh. i just love you. and reading all that you makes me happy (: even when im not. haa write more!

  3. i love you brit :) and the beautiful woman of God that you are. seriously i'm so blessed to have you in my life, i mean thattttt.

  4. brit you are so great. you just summed up everything someone goes through after losing their first love. but it gets better and gets easier and you have wonderful friends and family to help you no matter how long it takes. love reading your blog missy. love you